Fruit Maven » christmas

Clementine Cuties + the sweetest Christmas poem you’ll read this year

Fruit Maven — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 19:52:14 +0000

I have mentioned this briefly before, but when I was a little girl Santa always brought a nice plump orange to fill the toe of my stocking. Since then, I have heard repeatedly that people receive a clementine and when I saw these Cuties at the store, I had to pick them up. Even though I knew the taste wouldn’t be great, they made me smile and that’s worth a lot in my book.

So I set out to figure out why oranges or clementines were put in stockings long ago because this is such an important tradition for me. Truthfully I didn’t find much except a story about oranges representing gold coins, but something told me that wasn’t why my family did it. And then I ran across this old poem that my mother used to read me every year and I laughed because of course, I had this all along.

It’s a long poem, but a pure delight and I think you’ll enjoy it. Plus it is an honor for me to give life again to my grandmother’s words so long after she wrote them. She grew up poor as so many did in that time and she references the tradition here of the stocking orange being the only time all year they would get to eat one. Her name was Viola, but she went by the pseudonym, Cody Paige, during a period where she was a radio DJ in Florida. This was written by Cody.

I wish I’d known you more Gram-O.

Country Christmas

Gosh, but I feel sorry for kids
whose Pop’s got lots of dough,
For tomorrow it’ll be Christmas
an they won’t have fun, I know!

They’ll get a lot of mechanical toys,
and wind them ’till they break;
And then their eyes will fill with tears
and deep inside they’ll ache.

The boys’ll get trains, the girls big dolls,
‘n lots of stuff that’s bought
But I’ll betcha they won’t get nothin’ that
little children ought.

Now you take us for instance
we been Christmasin all fall
An the presents all are hidden
in the closet neath the hall.

This mornin’ we got started
as soon as it was light;
An went with Pop to chop our tree
an seen that it’s done right!

Then we went up to the attic
an brought down our own corn
An we popped it in the fireplace
while we got our fingers warm.

Then Mom brought in the needle and string
an handed them to me
And I made long ropes of popcorn
to decorate our tree.

An Sis is makin’ popcorn balls
an wrappin’ them red and green
An gosh! we got the prettiest tree
that anyone’s ever seen.

Now Mom’s out makin’ cookies and
decoratin’ ‘em too;
An we can hang them ’round the tree
as soon as she gets through.

Say, di ‘ja ever come down an old stair well
‘n shiver from your head to your toes
While your Pop shook up the fire
‘n your Mom warmed up your clothes?

Then have your eyes jump with surprise
As you looked beneath the tree
‘n everyone shoutin’ and hollerin’ around
‘n the whole house filled with glee?

Did ‘ja ever know how good an orange tastes,
when you ain’t had on fer a year;
Then find one in your stockin’, with a note,
“For Sonny dear?”

Di ja ever have your Mom come in,
with her eyes all wet and red
An your Pop just lookin’ silly
about somethin’ she’s just said?

I’ll probably get a bran’ new sled
made out of old lumber and tin;
And Sis might get a pair of skates
All accordin’ to how good we been.

The twins might set some farmer dolls
all dressed in regular clothes
Made out of Pop’s old Sunday pants
an a pair of Mom’s old hose.

Well, tomorrow it’ll be Christmas
an we won’t get much that’s new,
But, gosh! you poor little rich kids;
How we will pity you!

- Cody Paige

NOTES!

I would be delighted if you would share this poem out so more of the world can read it. Now on to the Clementine Cutie review…

Clementine Cutie

APPEARANCE 3.5 out of 5 stars

Golf ball size tangerine with bright orange peel and flesh.

AROMA 3.5 out of 5 stars

Strong orange acidic smell. Almost makes my eyes water.

TEXTURE 4 out of 5 stars

Easy to peel with minimal pith. Juicy with no seeds.

TASTE 3 out of 5 stars

Mild, shallow sweet flavor. Not particularly acidic.

OVERALL 3.5 out of 5 stars

This is a mediocre clementine at best. It is extremely easy to eat and won’t assault your senses in any way – good or bad. My experience with Cuties is that they are terribly hit or miss. A single fruit could be great in the bunch, but mostly they are consistently ok. One of the stickers on the fruit says “Perfect pocket fruit” and I agree, except I would worry that I’d leave it in my pocket forever because it so forgettable. Sad. If you are hoping for something better in your stocking this year, I would recommend asking Santa for the Sanguinello Blood Orange. That is what he brought me last year and I absolutely loved them. (One of my only reviews that received 5 stars all the way down.)

FRUIT Clementine	PEAK Winter	PURCHASED Grocery Store
VARIETY Cutie	GROWN Unknown

Christmas Fig

Fruit Maven — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 23:10:12 +0000

If you happen to be the person I accidentally elbowed at the farmer’s market while yelling “OMG! Are those Christmas Figs?” and barreling my way to the table, then this is the fruit for you!

So…yeah. I might have run someone down at the market this week.

In my defense, it was crowded and I was cold. Which doesn’t sound like a good reason to elbow someone I suppose, but it’s been around 60 degrees all week here in San Diego! Yes that’s right. Under 60 degrees at times. If I have to wear socks for one more day, who is going to see my pedicure?!? Who? Warm it up weather man or I am going to have to start posting toe polish pictures on my fruit blog and NO.ONE.WANTS.THAT.

Wait. What were we talking about? Oh right…figs. There should not be figs at the market in December. Should not. And because I was so cold, I thought sure they were some sort of desert mirage style illusion. I had to get up to that table before they disappeared. You can imagine my delight when they turned out to not only be real, but to in fact be the best tasting fig I personally have ever had. Apparently, and this will seem logical once you hear it, they are called Christmas Figs because after their main crop in the late summer, they produce another little bumper crop in early December. Thus the name of course. And thus the crazy, however brief, scene at the market.

Luckily [ahem] the victim next to me heard all the ruckus as I was bombarding the man at the stand with questions and was so intrigued that he bought a bag full for himself. You are welcome dear stranger. You are welcome. Also may I recommend some Arnica for that bruised rib.

APPEARANCE 3.5 out of 5 stars

Plump little green fig with pale yellow dots and gloriously deep red ruby flesh. Christmas indeed!

AROMA 2.5 out of 5 stars

Smells like plants. There is something fresh and almost herbal, but not quite.

TEXTURE 3 out of 5 stars

Gushy and soft with grainy tendrils and crunchy little seeds.

TASTE 4.5 out of 5 stars

Deeply sweet raspberry flavor.

OVERALL 3.38 out of 5 stars

Eating this fig is like eating a little pocket of the best raspberry jam you have ever had except without the cloying sugary sweetness of jam and with a complicated base of earthy flavor. I like to spread them on toast or crackers with a drizzle of honey to really glam it up. Then I call it “breakfast” and pat myself on the back for being so healthy.

FRUIT Fig	PEAK Late Summer + December	PURCHASED Farmer’s Market
VARIETY Christmas	GROWN Vista, California

Gift Giving Guide for foodies, fruities, veggies, vegans, friends, moms, dads, kids, and weird, awesome neighbors

Fruit Maven — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 22:40:36 +0000

But first… a story!

(Or if you just want the gift giving guide, you can get right to it here.)

I have a goofy relationship with holidays. On the surface it doesn’t seem weird at all. I love them! I adore Halloween and Thanksgiving and Hanukkah and Christmas (I grew up in a joint household although now there is some Mormon and some Buddhist action happening, but that’s for another day, another blog because this place is not about religion. Thank you very much.) Back to the point! I love them! But not really. They are always disappointing me. They are like that awesome aunt who has the coolest stuff and shares with you and looks at you when you talk and she seems magical and modern, except that one time when she bought you a fancy lace bra from Paris and you weren’t really old enough to wear a bra yet and it just felt… off. And you realized that her gifts were never really about you at all. Yikes and ewww. (No, this never happened to me, just a story.) So yeah, that’s kind of how I feel about holidays. The idea of them is spectacular but the delivery…not so much.

So I totally opted out of Thanksgiving this year, although I did have pie for breakfast because some traditions just need to be retained and reworked a little. Seems like many days would be better if they just started with pie! And I may opt out of Christmas as well. I’m not sure. But the one thing that I love…that I completely adore to the very tips of my toes is stockings! YAY for stockings. I may ask for a stocking for my birthday next year.

One year when I was five and I was just getting the hang of Christmas delivery methods, I asked Santa for a second stocking (secretly hoping it would also be filled to the brim). And it totally worked! When Santa delivers, he really delivers (at least in the stocking department.) The funny thing at my house, or at least now I know it’s funny because I haven’t really met anyone else who does it this way, is that we did the stockings last. After waking up and opening all the presents one at a time (Gah! Torture!) and after we felt overwhelmed and beyond satisfied, then someone would always remember, “The Stockings!“

“We still have the stockings!!!!!!!!!”

At the tip of the toe, there was always a beautiful Christmas tangerine of course. And there always will be. This year I’m hoping for one of these or these. Yes please.

The stocking was also filled with whole nuts. This was mostly a filler that got shoved to the side, but they HAD to be there nonetheless. Now that I have found these gorgeous red walnuts, I am completely pissed that my Christmas nuts weren’t ALWAYS red. Red is a Christmas color! What the hell? I better get them from now on. That’s all I’m saying about that.

So anyway, I find that people often shirk their duties on the stockings (run of the mill tangerines and boring brown walnuts just as a start) and I am on a quest to remedy this situation. So I put together a list of super awesome, Fruit Maven recommended stocking stuffers. I put them all in the Fruit Maven Amazon Store. How easy is that? I also added my notes about why this or that item is awesome and there is a special “What the hell is this?” section, which is small but disconcerting.

I would love to hear about your favorite traditions, or traditions you’ve flipped around and made your own, or your stocking stuffer ideas. Send it all my way, because like I said. I love holidays!

Wonderful Pomegranate

Fruit Maven — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 04:29:35 +0000

If you are trying to avoid interacting with family for a small block of time and are in need of a delicious and tedious task, then this is the fruit for you!

APPEARANCE 4 out of 5 stars

Angular crimson red fruit that has leathery looking skin; small garnet jewels inside divided by a cream colored webbed membrane.

AROMA 5 out of 5 stars

Woodsy and sweet; reminds me of pine and cranberries, so basically it smells like Christmas, which I am trying to hold on to for just a few more days.

TEXTURE 2.5 out of 5 stars

Juicy, snappy little fruit bits with a prominent edible seed inside (technically called “arils”).

TASTE 4 out of 5 stars

Perfectly balanced tart and sweet flavor. Reminiscent of cranberries and grapes.

OVERALL 3.88 out of 5 stars

Pomegranates are just a lot of work to eat. I like them but they just require so much energy and focus that I tend to avoid them. Even after the seeds are all broken out of the web (which is the messiest and best part) they are still a pain with those huge seeds. I don’t like the seeds, so I tend to spit them out and then have to deal with where to spit them and whether anyone saw me spit it, etc. It’s just a bother and I really can’t be bothered with a bother these days.

FRUIT

Pomegranate

VARIETY

Wonderful

PEAK

Fall-Winter

GROWN

California

PURCHASED

Farmer’s Market

NOTES

This is the section where I usually write cool stuff about the fruit (and there is plenty about pomegranates to be found as it is a religious symbol in every major faith, but I am not going there this holiday season. Feel free to go there yourself though — click) but today I just want to list off the amazing vocabulary words and fun phrases I found while perusing the wikipedia entry for pomegranate. Woot woot for big words. Try using these in conversation today. You will seem smarter and I will feel proud. Here we go:
Transcaucasia –Mom! My transcaucasia hurts!
Salutiferous to mankind – If you salutiferous me one more time I’m going to have to smack you.
Carbonized exocarp – Is your carbonized exocarp as bloated as mine is?
Sweet-fatty – Oh that? That’s a sweet-fatty. Don’t touch it.
John Tradescant the elder – Hello, my name is Fruit Maven the Elder. And you would be??

RECIPES

Winter Farro Salad
Guacamole with Pear and Pomegranate Seeds

Twelve Days of Fruit

Fruit Maven — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 19:50:06 +0000

In honor of Christmas carols, I thought I would do a little something different today. Though really I shouldn’t because the back log of fruit at my house is making my family very grumpy and every time the refrigerator opens they are certain to tell me that something is fermenting in there. Not that I would ever review fermenting fruit, no. I’m just using dramatic wording to get my point across here. Settle down people. Settle down.

Now back to the point.

Christmas carols! I thought I would re-write the Twelve Days of Christmas with the fruit I want to find and eat next year. I would torture you with all twelve verses, but I am way too busy (and lazy) to do that much typing, cutting and pasting. So here is the last verse. Please sing along as that would make me extremely happy. In fact sing the whole song. (Also a note to my true love, who is specifically called out in the second line, pay attention here. This is next year’s Christmas list.)

On the twelfth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Twelve durians stinking
Eleven paw paws ripening
Ten peacotums peaking
Nine loquats dripping
Eight moros bleeding
Seven soursops sweetening
Six dates delighting
Five finger limes
Four miracle fruit
Three salmonberries
Two mangosteens
And a lilly pilly in a sweet jam.